When board traffic picks up, that's a good thing! :woot:
When board traffic picks up, so does the proliferation of duplicate threads. Not such a good thing. :thumbsdown:
Before clicking that new topic, just ask yourself, "Hey, did I really beat someone else to the punch?"
A Classic from the archives.
Should there ever be a Message Board Hall of Fame, I would lobby hard for this classic posted by our very own BigC to be inducted.
Bigcurtmanâ€™s guide to pimping your favorite player...on a message board...
Hereâ€™s the ten most important things to remember when you are either pimping your own player, or discrediting an opposing player, for the draft:
10. Injuries, sminjuries: Make sure, when discussing injuries, the injuries of your player, are minimized even to the point of pretending they donâ€™t exist, and by contrast, completely exaggerate the injury history, of the opposing player, and if need be, make one up, and claim a scout said it, on an article you canâ€™t find anymore.
Exampe: â€œI wouldnâ€™t draft *opposing player*, his coaches are covering the fact, he plays with a prosthetic arm. And itâ€™s his throwing arm.â€
Example: In response to his guy being called out for having an ankle sprain for most of his senior season. â€œIt wasnâ€™t his ankle, it was his roommate's ankle, there was a mixup.â€
9. Facts, We don't need no stinkin' facts: Try not to confuse your diatribe with too many facts. Facts can be countered with other facts, and that just turns into a mess. Stay on track, with opinionated exaggerations, and insults. This goes for not only the positives for your guy, but the negatives for the other players. Also, when discrediting another player, keep it simple, insulting, and try not to use too many big words.
8. Bumping matters: Make sure, that at any point in the day that thereâ€™s at least one thread, pimping your guy, on the first page of the board. You canâ€™t pimp yer ho, if they arenâ€™t on the main page. You do have the option of either creating a wholly original thread, or simply bumping a previous thread. Most will chose to litter the board with a new thread, since thereâ€™s so much new stuff to say about the guy, since yesterday.
7. Shuck 'n Jive: When a discussion of an opposing player comes up, make sure and spew as much information (misinformation), as you can about the guy, on the thread, while doing your best, to turn it into a thread about your guy. A thread hijack is as good as a new thread (see point 8).
6. ClichÃ©s: Some arguments to remember for your guy.
â€œHeâ€™s a winnerâ€ â€œHeâ€™s got itâ€ â€œIâ€™ve seen him play plentyâ€ â€œI went to the same school, so I am an authorityâ€ â€œHeâ€™s got all the intangiblesâ€ â€œHeâ€™s got the most upsideâ€
I know, none of these mean anything, and that makes them harder to dispute, so use them at will. Being ambiguous is a guard against debate.
5. Run for the hills: Arguments to be careful of. Anything relating to.....
â€œLevel of competitionâ€ â€œmore or less athleticâ€ â€œstats in collegeâ€ â€œAnything pertaining to on-field performanceâ€ â€œTeam success in collegeâ€
Of course there are many more, but you must always be careful of using any argument, that could be verified, or worse yet, be countered by fans of the opposing player.
4. Al Gore didn't invent the Internet? Says you!: Use the safety of the Internet to defend your case. Just because someone canâ€™t find the article you are â€œquotingâ€ doesnâ€™t mean it wasnâ€™t there before.
Exampe: "I read where *opposing player*, was shooting heroin into his eyes, before his bowl game. I can't find the article, but it was there.
3. You are not alone: Bow at the altar of the draftnik web sites. There are 10,000 of them, and you have to find some that support your view, exploit them as much as possible, and accuse any other sites, that donâ€™t share your views, as trash, being run by Naziâ€™s with Head injuries. As a subset of 3, if applicable, handcuff yourself to measureables, on those sites. If your guy ran a great 40, and the opposing player didn't, that should be your lead, in nearly any argument. If the other guy had the great 40 times, discredit measureables wherever possible. Make measureables work for you.
2. Smack: The two most important smack phrases, any good pimp knows, when defending your guy.
â€œDo you even watch football?â€ â€œThank God you donâ€™t run the *future NFL employer of your ho*.â€
Those are sure fire bets, to sway the audience.
1. Waffling is for politicans: No matter what, donâ€™t ever let another poster; change your mind about your guy. No amount of logic or facts, should ever sway the good pimp, from his guyâ€™s side. Along those same lines, once the draft happens, if your guys arenâ€™t drafted, you have two choices. Either continue to pimp your guy, or hope by the time any of it matters, the board will be gone, or the people you debated with will be. Or, check the archives, edit your recent posts about the draft, and immediately jump on the bandwagon, of the guy drafted. If you chose two, you can refer to the previous guidelines for this new guy. If you chose one, just be patient, and if during the season, your guy starts to stink, use the old â€œif he were a *some other NFL franchise*, heâ€™d be doing better" line. Works everytime.
Thanks for your time, and happy pimping........
Well, somewhere along the way, the COC thread was auto-pruned. Bummer.
It was quite a collaboration of humor, insight and genius collected over the years. Mostly me...and Curt...
Oh well. This will cover it for now...
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